run of bad movie choices at an end…

Image via Wikipedia

I’ve had a run of bad movie picks.  These three I only watched half or fast-forwarded through to the end:  If a Man Answers (1962-antiquated, trite), Emmanuelle (1974-antiquated, idiotic), Love and Other Drugs (2010-mismarketed, repulsive).

Then I watched The Ugly Truth (2009)  – Passable, though the objections to the withered romantic comedy conventions and the anti-woman themes are valid.

All the characters repeated that the female lead Abby was smart which they had to do because she was the dumbest chick ever.  Worse than Sugar in Some Like it Hot.

How I would have changed it:

#1 Make something about Abby likable.  Something. Even Mike had his relationship with his nephew.

#2  Make her problem with men not that she’s so stupid but that she manipulates them the way she does everyone at work.  Thus, she feels contempt rather than affection for her dates.  Mike comes along and refuses to be manipulated and she likes that.

#3  Mike has to have some reason that he loves her.  Elizabeth didn’t accept Darcy’s “I love you against my will” proposal and neither should Abby.

#4 Make the funny parts funny.  Why couldn’t she have come up with a good pitch while wearing the vibrating panties,  why couldn’t the baseball date been about her faking sports knowledge, why couldn’t she be funnier when stalking her neighbor, why couldn’t she and Mike have better banter (or any banter)???

#5 What on earth was the stupid thing about ponytails being unsexy? There might any number of reasons that men would reject these women but I don’t think it’s their hairstyle.

All in all, a sad waste of Mr. Butler.

But finally, my luck has turned with Pushing Daisies season 2 and Zombieland.

Pushing Daisies was no surprise as I thoroughly enjoyed season one.  This is much the same and just as good.  The dialog is almost too much fun.  The plots are quirky to max, and at the same time poignant and grotesque and very funny.  Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) is probably my favorite character, although I like Olive Snook (Kristin Chenoweth) a lot too.  It’s a pity most of my favorite shows are so short.

Zombieland – I enjoyed this movie.  It wasn’t quite the (Shaun of the Dead) comedy I was expecting – more like a road movie with zombies.  Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg are not my favorite actors but they were perfectly cast for this movie.

quick list of what I liked about it

1. Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)

2. The List

3.  Columbus’ cowardice in general

4. snoballs

5. Bill Murray

6.  could watch it with friends who don’t like horror movies

Related Articles

• ZOMBIELAND 2 sequel may not happen according to Woody Harrelson (geektyrant.com)

Videodrome (1983)

Cover of Videodrome

First it controls your mind…then it destroys your body

Here’s a gruesome sci-fi horror from David Cronenberg.  I’ve been nervous about watching it for a long time.

Max Renn (James Woods) is a fast-talking cable tv programmer with a taste for sleaze and a kinky girlfriend, Nicki Brand (Deborah Harry).  He gets the opportunity to watch a mysteriously broadcasted show named “Videodrome,” which is nothing but sexualized torture. He thinks he’s found gold. As he learns more about the people behind the show, he finds the whole thing is more than he can stomach.*

Renn begins the movie as a sadist-in-denial but his girlfriend has completely embraced her masochism.  Half way through the movie, these two turn out to be as straight-edge as the characters get.

According to the reviews I’ve been reading, Renn represents society’s corruption and its perverse desires being controlled by technology that is supposed to sate those desires.

Cronenberg gives a nod to Marshall McCluhan’s theories of media in the characters’ pontifications.  Renn meets a digital fanatic named Brian O’Blivion (Jack Creley) who only appears on a screen not in person.  O’Blivion has opened a Cathode Ray mission house for the homeless, and he thinks virtual life is superior to real life.

Last Man on Earth (1964)

Cover of The Last Man on Earth

Tagline: Alive among the lifeless… alone among the crawling creatures of evil that make the night hideous with their inhuman craving!

Director: Ubaldo Ragona & Sidney Salkow

Actors:  Vincent Price (Dr. Robert Morgan),  Franca Bettoia (Ruth Collins), Emma Danieli (Virginia Morgan), Giacomo Rossi-Stuart (Ben Cortman), Christi Courtland (Kathy Morgan)

It’s based on the fine novel, I Am Legend, by Richard Matheson.  There are two other film versions: The Omega Man (1971) with Charlton Heston and I Am Legend (2007) with Will Smith.

The book by Matheson is amazing and worth reading because the 2007 and the 1964 versions don’t come close to it in intensity and bleakness.  I haven’t seen the Heston version.

Story:  After a plague destroys the earth’s population, a lone survivor dedicates himself to eradicating the undead plague victims.

The victims have vampiric symptoms but they act a lot more like zombies.  I’m going to call them monsters.

Comments: The movie is atmospheric and Price does his best but the pacing is leaden to say the least.  Ruth eventually shows up and Morgan has to solve her mystery.  Is she the ‘last woman’ or is she infected too?  She wasn’t especially interesting or believable, though.

The movie focuses on Morgan ‘quiet life of desperation’ rather than any kind of last stand against the monsters.  He seems so clumsy and inefficient in his daily routine that it’s surprising he’s lasted for three years. It also puzzled me that he said he’d killed 14 monsters in three years.  That seems like a low body count, especially since they’re unconscious and don’t appear that hard to find.  He finds them lying on the streets and outside his door in the morning.

Personally, I felt uncomfortable and not moved by Morgan’s emotional breakdown in the movie.  I think it’s because I think he could have done so much better in fending off the monsters.

I kept wondering why he stayed in such an indefensible place, a small house that all the monsters knew about.  Why didn’t he have his watering system full of garlic juice and spray the suckers as they approached? Why didn’t he have bright lights shining at night? Why didn’t he have bigger mirrors or reflective metal all over his house?  Why couldn’t he soundproof his house?  Why didn’t he drive a van or some bigger vehicle?  Why didn’t he have more guns?  Why didn’t he have bolt holes all over the city?

All in all, it was OK but not a must see.

Links

• Review – (Cinmefantastiqueonline.com) mixed
• Review – (horrorsquad.com) positive
• Review – (doctor zombie.blogspot) positive
• Review – (moria.com) mixed
• Review – (monster hunter.com) funny, negative
• Review – (bad movie report) detailed, negative
• Review – (videograveyard.com) positive

Bram Stoker’s Dracula (graphic novel)

Here’s my capsule review of this retelling of Dracula.

Title:  Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Author:  Michael Burgen (script) & José Alfonso Ocampo Ruiz (art)

Genre/Subgenre:  Horror/Retelling

Format: Graphic Novel

Publisher/Date:   Stone Arch Books/2008

Comments:  The retelling is serviceable enough, and I’d give it to a kid to read in place of the original novel.

The basic story is retold without waste and something exciting happens on every other page.  There is a considerable amount of “educational” content in the back, a summary of vampire lore, writing prompts and a link for FactHound.

The artwork is also serviceable – lots of blacks and browns in each scene.  The character’s features and bodies are rounded, which makes them seem about 15 or so.  Mina wears purple a lot which makes her stand out from the men’s brown and black clothing.  Van Helsing also has the buoyant look of the others but he is unshaven which puts him in his early twenties.  Dracula himself is angular with lightning shocked hair – clearly he is other.

Terror on the Hill

I went to the haunted house attraction at Waverly Hills that I posted on before.

Beginning to arrival

The people who went were Mark – the husband of my best friend; Stephen and Alice – recently married; and me. Another person had agreed to come but she didn’t realize that there would be actors.

I made everyone take flashlights, which took some time to accomplish since people needed batteries and so forth. I refused an offer of gloves or a hat. I did visit the restroom before we left. (This is all pertinent information.)

Mark’s GPS had a skeletal hand pointing the way and a Vincent Price voice giving directions. We liked it and then forgot about it. Stephen, Alice and I were startled when the voice said, “pay no attention to the noises in the trunk.” Alice and I shared ghost stories.

Parking to Ticket

The parking lot was unlit ($2 parking) and we were glad we had flashlights. When we reached the gate, a woman told us to go to the front of the line to buy tickets and then return to the end of the line.

On our way up the line, we saw a couple of concessions stands and a tent with golf carts and a sound system. The music was blaring “Thriller.” One of the workers came over to us and tried to convey something. We could tell he was angry but we couldn’t hear him. It turned out that we were in the way of dancers whom we hadn’t seen. That was dispiriting so we trudged up the hill to buy our tickets.

The woman I bought my ticket from had strange white contacts on – creepy and effective.

Later, in line, we saw that the dancers were wearing dark clothing and they were in the corner without any lighting.

I read some wrong information on the website: You can buy tickets at 7:30PM and the gates open at 8PM. It did cost $20 for a ticket so that part was right. It also turned out that we couldn’t use our flashlights. I carried a mag light in my pocket through the tour for nothing.

Beginning of the line to entrance

At one point, Mark and I had to use the rental potties. Mark figured that even if he managed to sneak into the woods, he might pee on the dancers. So we went to the row of rental potties that was at the head of the line. When I entered it, I discovered it had been placed on a slight rise that tilted the front of it toward the asphalt. When seated, I realized that I had closed but not latched the door. I reached to pull the latch. Because it was leaning downward, it started to open. I almost exposed myself in front of the ticket holders, the concessions workers, the camouflaged dancers, and two cops. That was a couple of seconds of terror. But I grabbed the door in time.

Mark reported that the tilted potties made the urinal a challenge.

We were bored waiting.  Some of us claim it took 45 minutes and others an hour and 10 minutes to reach the head of the line. The weather was clear but chilly, and we were shivering. I regretted not accepting the hat. Mark played some songs on his cell phone and then Stephen played some on his. Finally, the others started telling dead baby jokes, which helped pass the time. Then, we reached the head of the line, and it was too noisy to talk. Stephen started dancing to “Crazy Train.”

Alice and I tried to look at the building itself which was impressively large, although we could see very little of it. It looked abandoned still. I tried to imagine what it might have felt like to arrive as a TB patient, look up at the building, and know that I might not leave.

Because we spent so much time in the line, it was hard not to notice people around us. One man had apparently gotten his lip pierced recently. He said nothing but spat the whole time. There was a woman who talked loudly and bitterly to one of her parents who was divorcing the other. Then she hung up and glared around for a few minutes. Then she called some one else and quarreled with them.

Alice and I were most disturbed by the third man who was clearly on drugs. He only occasionally opened his eyes and he swayed until someone pushed him and he’d stumble a few steps ahead.

We were relieved when the worker let the four of us join the next group and separated us from ‘High Guy.’

Details of haunted house after cut.

Horror Masters – link

I’ve recently discovered HorrorMasters.com.  I’m not sure if it used to be a site publishing new horror fiction for a fee or whether it’s all free now.  Either way, I’m taken by its classic horror fiction section.

It features a directory of links to classic horror fiction online.  I love literary canons even though they’re presently déclassé.  Plus, with the links, it’s an instant gratification canon.   Hard to beat that.

I really want to read the short stories by Poe and by Lovecraft that I’ve missed.  I should really print some out and read them for the party.

spooky art links

Here are some more links to spooky art for Halloween.

From Deviant Art —

peachysticks link.

super-sheep link.

ruben martinez link.

dholl link.

yagak link.

from Creature Features (via TheoFantastique) —

“October Shadows” artists or gallery.

from artists past—

Fantastic Art collection link.

Grunewald link

Gustave Dore’s Divine Comedy link

medical description of zombies

Image via Wikipedia

Really gross but highly informative medical description of zombies.

from the Zombie Guide.

Haunted Houses – fictional

Cover via Amazon

As a follow up to my haunted house attraction post, here is a list of haunted house books and movies.  I was surprised that it was difficult to find a list of haunted house books to jog my memory.  My final list is short which makes me want to read a bunch more.  There is a nice list on Wikipedia for haunted house movies.

Haunted House books & short stories

• The Turn of the Screw by Henry James (1898)
• The Open Window by Saki (1911)
• Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (1959)
• Hell House by Richard Matheson (1971)
• The Shining by Stephen King (1977)
• The House Next Door by Anne Rivers Siddons (1978)
• Homebody by Orson Scott Card (1998)

Of these, Haunting of Hill House and Hell House were the most satisfying to me.  I think they both owe quite a bit to James’ governess.  Both feature psychic investigators who visit an allegedly haunted house and confront their own psyches as much as any supernatural force in the house.  Matheson’s book removes any doubt as to the supernatural events but manages to be just as disturbing I think.

A minor story concerning The Shining. Many years ago I moved into an isolated old farmhouse.  Not long after, I was on the second floor, sitting up with a sick child.  It was a dark and stormy night.  Or, at least it was raining hard and the house was creaking in the wind.  Once the child had fallen to sleep, I decided to read to keep myself alert and naturally I chose The Shining.  It didn’t make me sleepy.  By the time I reached the bit about the bathtub, I had to put it down and find something else.  Very quickly. I had to finish the book in the daylight hours.

Invisible Man (1933)

Cover of The Invisible Man

Part of my science fiction movie watching project.

Tagline: Catch me if you can!

One winter’s day, a strange man, heavily bandaged, arrives at an isolated inn.  There he asks for a room and complete privacy.  He gets the room but the innkeeper (Una O’Connor) can’t bear to leave him alone.  She soon wishes she had stayed away from the bad-tempered Invisible Man (Claude Rains)

James Whale directed Frankenstein (1931) which I didn’t care much for and Bride of Frankenstein (1935) which I adore.

In the main, this movie was more of a Universal Studios monster movie than science fiction.  There were a few instances in which they touched on a rational explanation behind the invisibility.  The movie did include the bit about digesting food being visible until digested I believe was in the original novel by H. G. Wells.  It has been a long time since I read the book.

Note: I’m going to refer to the Invisible Man AKA Jack Griffin as Invisi because I can.

The Special Effects

Really the effects are the best part of the movie.  There are funny scenes such as the shirt chasing the cops around the room. There are many sinister scenes, for instance, the one in which Invisi reveals himself to his former colleague, Dr. Kemp (William Harrigan).  Of course, there is the usual fun stuff such as things moving on their own and doors closing.

My favorite scene had Invisi undressing in front of a mirror.  The extras show how complicated this was to achieve.

My co-viewer noted that the screen blurred when Invisi was walking in front of someone.  We weren’t sure if this was intentional but, if so, it’s good touch.

The Humor

There was a lot of humor interspersed with the thriller stuff.  The humor, particularly just before the invisible man’s entrance, was too goofy for me.  For example, the piano player is exposed as a fraud: he’s using a player piano.

The innkeeper, in particular, whose officiousness gets her targeted by the irritable Invisi was even less amusing.  I thought the film got mean-spirited when we were expected to laugh at her for crying over her badly injured husband.

It was much more entertaining seeing a pair of dancing pants and a ghostly rendition of  “gathering nuts in May.”

The Horror

It was tightly paced: just enough conversation to build the tension and the action flowed from the plot.  Wish more movies were like this.

It also had the Universal horror theme of “there were some things men were not meant to know.”  It turns out that Invisi has taken a chemical compound that makes him invisible.  He had not discovered a German account of an experiment that left its subject aggressive and crazy.  (My co-viewer commented that the real moral of the movie is to learn German before making wacky experiments.)

All in all not sci-fi but a lot of fun.

Reviews

Fantastic Movie Musings and Ramblings – review

SF, Horror and Fantasy Film Review

DVD Verdict review

Classic-Horror.com review – information on special effects

Film Fanatic review

SPOILER