Romantic Movie Gestures that are actually horrifying

Really, I agree with all of the movies on the list. And I have an unabating loathing for Jocelyn. Even so, I like 50 First Dates; Beauty and the Beast and A Knight’s Tale.

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run of bad movie choices at an end…

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I’ve had a run of bad movie picks.  These three I only watched half or fast-forwarded through to the end:  If a Man Answers (1962-antiquated, trite), Emmanuelle (1974-antiquated, idiotic), Love and Other Drugs (2010-mismarketed, repulsive).

Then I watched The Ugly Truth (2009)  – Passable, though the objections to the withered romantic comedy conventions and the anti-woman themes are valid.

All the characters repeated that the female lead Abby was smart which they had to do because she was the dumbest chick ever.  Worse than Sugar in Some Like it Hot.

How I would have changed it:

#1 Make something about Abby likable.  Something. Even Mike had his relationship with his nephew.

#2  Make her problem with men not that she’s so stupid but that she manipulates them the way she does everyone at work.  Thus, she feels contempt rather than affection for her dates.  Mike comes along and refuses to be manipulated and she likes that.

#3  Mike has to have some reason that he loves her.  Elizabeth didn’t accept Darcy’s “I love you against my will” proposal and neither should Abby.

#4 Make the funny parts funny.  Why couldn’t she have come up with a good pitch while wearing the vibrating panties,  why couldn’t the baseball date been about her faking sports knowledge, why couldn’t she be funnier when stalking her neighbor, why couldn’t she and Mike have better banter (or any banter)???

#5 What on earth was the stupid thing about ponytails being unsexy? There might any number of reasons that men would reject these women but I don’t think it’s their hairstyle.

All in all, a sad waste of Mr. Butler.

But finally, my luck has turned with Pushing Daisies season 2 and Zombieland.

Pushing Daisies was no surprise as I thoroughly enjoyed season one.  This is much the same and just as good.  The dialog is almost too much fun.  The plots are quirky to max, and at the same time poignant and grotesque and very funny.  Emerson Cod (Chi McBride) is probably my favorite character, although I like Olive Snook (Kristin Chenoweth) a lot too.  It’s a pity most of my favorite shows are so short.

Zombieland – I enjoyed this movie.  It wasn’t quite the (Shaun of the Dead) comedy I was expecting – more like a road movie with zombies.  Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg are not my favorite actors but they were perfectly cast for this movie.

quick list of what I liked about it

1. Abigail Breslin (Little Miss Sunshine)

2. The List

3.  Columbus’ cowardice in general

4. snoballs

5. Bill Murray

6.  could watch it with friends who don’t like horror movies

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6 annoyings about Eclipse (the book)

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So, I finished Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer the other night.

There’s a lot wrong with this book.

Spoilers Ahoy!

But I have to say that I got caught up in it.  Meyer is a good tale-spinner.  The book ended with quite a bang.  The proposal scene with Edward and Bella was much less appalling in the book than it was in the movie. The farewell scene between Bella and Jacob near the end of the book was actually moving.

However,

1) It’s very, very slow in the beginning.

Bella wants to reject Jacob’s love but still have him like her.  She fills out applications for college.  She blathers about Wuthering Heights.  She and Edward have endless, dull arguments over turning her into a vampire.

2) There is a whole scene about fridge magnets representing their epic love triangle.

The last two magnets — round black utilitarian pieces that were my favorites because they could hold ten sheets of paper to the fridge without breaking a sweat — did not want to cooperate with my fixation.  Their polarities were reversed; every time I tried to line the last one up, the other jumped out of place.

For some reason — impending mania, perhaps — this really irritated me.  Why couldn’t they just play nice?  Stupid with stubbornness, I kept shoving them together as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up.  I could have flipped one over, but that felt like losing.  Finally, exasperated at myself more than the magnets, I pulled them from the fridge and held them together with two hands.  It took a little effort — they were strong enough to put up a fight — but I forced them to coexist side-by-side.

“See,” I said out loud — talking to inanimate objects, never a good sign — “That’s not so horrible, is it?   (95-96)

Meyer writes, “as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up” instead of as if I were expecting….  It’s the subjunctive mood. Meyer should be using the past tense plural form of the verb because the magnets have no real will.  But it’s a common mistake.

I also know that simple things like fridge magnets can become powerful metaphors in the hands of a skilled writer.  That didn’t happen here.

3) Charlie is just disgustingly smug about Jacob forcibly kissing Bella.

Watching the Eclipse (movie)

So, my sisters and I went to see Eclipse.  Sib B has read all four books but Sib R and I have only read Twilight and New Moon.  Sib R suggested the midnight showing but I laughed at her as we both had to work the next day.  Sib B’s husband was invited but he opined that he’d prefer paying someone $7.50 to repeatedly stab him in the arm.

We saw women wearing the Team Edward/Team Jacob shirts.  A good number of them were not teens or preteens.  When Jacob showed up, the females in the audience crowed.  One guy cheered when Edward killed someone.

We sat in the front of the theater and behaved in such a way to make us shoe-ins for special hell.  In short, we laughed at everything but the jokes.

My favorite digs were these:

Edward and Jacob are about to squabble over Bella and her dad steps in between them. Then Sib R quipped for Charlie, “Now, now, we all know I have the biggest penis here.”

In the second scene, Edward and Jacob are in a tent and they come to the conclusion that each was a good chap despite being a mortal enemy.  I said for Jacob, “Edward, I can’t quit you.”

Sib B and I really liked the tiny bit when Alice and Jasper are fighting and then they kiss at the end.  They had more chemistry in 20 seconds than Edward and Bella do in all three movies.  Also, Rosalie as Uma Thurman surprised me into laughing.

On the way home, Sib B pointed out with some fervor that predators don’t sparkle.  Sib R and I pondered this, and agreed that predators were good at camouflage.  But, if you think about it, Edward does not really want Bella for her nutritional value:  he wants to breed her.  And she does breed.  So, the sparkle is merely to denote that Edward is a peacock and Bella is a peahen.

When in Rome (2010)

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I had some hope for this romantic comedy about a woman named Beth (Kristen Bell) who takes coins from a magical fountain of love in Rome. She is soon pursued by the men who threw them in the fountain.  This is inconvenient and fairly humorous because four unsuitable men become besotted with her.  The real problem is that she took a coin that belonged to a man she’s beginning to fall for.

Kristen Bell stars and was endearing in Reefer Madness the musical and the Veronica Mars TV series.  But, somehow, she’s not particularly endearing here.  I don’t think it’s her.  I blame the director and the dreadful script.

Part of  the problem is the unfunny pairing of physical comedy and loopy love story.  That pairing can work, see:  Bringing Up Baby (1938).  It’s ill-matched here, though.

Bell and Joshua Duhamel (Nick) have as much chemistry as two pleasant people who happen to be standing in the same line at the bank.  It made me miss Logan from Veronica Mars.

Like most romantic comedies these days, the only real entertainment is in the supporting cast.  Bobby Moynihan as Puck is truly funny, and Puck and Nick have the most real relationship in the film. Jon Heder as the wacky magician was funny but not a creeper like the other swains.  It was nice to see Pedro (Efren Ramirez) again too.

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went shopping

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Got some father’s day presents and other small gifts for family.  Also bought a container of gold glitter paint for work.

Most importantly, I bought the second volume of  Fall in Love Like a Comic by Chitose Yagami.  A very young artist thinks that having a boyfriend will improve her romantic stories.  He’s happy to oblige. It’s cute and at two volumes, easy to complete. I also bought Black Bird by Kanoko Sakurakoji.  She also made Backstage Prince which was sweet but a little bland.  Black Bird’s premise promises a little more spice.  It’s about a girl and her demon would-be lover.  Finally, I bought Tail of the Moon by Rinko Ueda.  A pathetic ninjette needs to marry an accomplished ninja and reproduce to secure her place in the clan.

Lastly, I bought this journal which I’ve been coveting for years.  I kept hinting I’d like for birthdays or Christmas to no avail.  Now it is mine.

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I put back Leonard Maltin’s classic movie book but maybe that was a mistake.  I may buy it later.  I also put back Nana vol. 1 , Spice and Wolf vol. 1, Love * Com vol. 1, and I couldn’t find volume 1 of Otomen.

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Stepping on Roses vol. 1

I just bought Stepping on Roses vol. 1 by Rinko Ueda (she of Tail of the Moon).  I read it and thought it was cute and the girl’s dresses were pretty.  I read a bunch of reviews and people had nothing nice to say about it.

Perhaps because I’ve been ill and have been stressed at work, I enjoyed the familiarity of it.

The story is this: Sumi is taking care of a passel of orphans while her profligate brother gambles away the rent money.  In desperation, she decides to prostitute herself to save the children from being sold to pay a gambling debt.  Soichiro, wealthy, handsome, and cruel, agrees to pay her debt if she’ll become his bride. Previously, another rich young man, Nozomu, gave Sumi money in a handkerchief to pay for one of the orphan’s medicine.  She keeps his handkerchief with her always.  Lo, Nozomu is Soichiro’s best friend.

I can understand why reviewers didn’t like it.   It’s not funny.  It’s not genre-savvy.  It does not inform on the Meiji period.  The characters are not lovable.  I also agree that if Sumi was going hungry and willing to sacrifice her virginity for the sake of the children, she should at least try to sneak out of the house to see if they are OK.

On the other hand, I didn’t mind that she is painfully ignorant and overwrought and doesn’t have an steely sense of self.  She’s 15 year old illiterate orphan who has had too much responsibility.

It is a marriage of convenience which is my favorite romance plot.  The best version to my mind is still Georgette Heyer’s Convenient Marriage, in which Horatia offers to marry the Earl of Rule to spare her elder sister.   It would be an effort not to adore Horatia and the Earl of Rule is delightfully gentle with her.

I also like any kind of super babysitter tale in which the heroine has to convey her charges to safety.  (Baby Island by Carol Ryrie Brink, Tiger Burning Bright by Theodora Dubois, The Small Woman by Alan Burgess, and so on).  I hope that Sumi goes back to her babies soon.

Plus, Sumi’s attire is very, very pretty and everyone has sparkly eyes.

The Proposal (2009)

Story:  A Canadian woman about to be deported blackmails her secretary into marrying her.  It’s a bit Philadelphia Story and a bit Green Card.

Director: Ann Fletcher (27 Dresses; Step Up)

Writer: Pete Chiarelli

Actors: Sandra Bullock (Margaret Tate), Ryan Reynolds (Andrew Paxton), Betty White (the grandmother)

Pros:

• The two stars are appealing and the movie is easy to watch. They seemed comfortable together and I did believe they liked each other.
• The scenery is lovely to watch too.
• It’s an old-fashioned movie.  By that I mean that ignores all serious implications and focuses on the sweetness of the loving family and the goofiness of the physical comedy.

Cons:

• I didn’t buy Bullock as a mean person.  Everyone kept saying she was mean but that was hard to accept since the meanest she had was sweetly serious.
• The whole Betty White as an Inuit bit was weird.
• I think they had a limited number of jokes, so they stretched what they had in some scenes.

Worth seeing?   Depends on how rough your day was. It isn’t noxious but not special either.

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Lost in Austen (2008)

There are tons of reviews finding the TV series Lost in Austen witty and light and fun.  I wish I’d seen the same show.  I championed the revisionist 1999 Mansfield Park to my friends but now I feel like a waspish Austen purist.

The story is this: Amanda Price, 21st Century devotee of Pride and Prejudice is offered the chance to enter the world of her favorite book. Chaos ensues.

SPOILERS
Proceed at your own risk.

Charlaine Harris’ ‘Dead’ series

Back in 2001, I had the opportunity to read Dead until Dark the first book in the series.   However, it wasn’t a paranormal romance, and I wasn’t interested at the time.  But with the buzz from the True Blood series, I thought I’d give it another try.  I’m glad I did since the mystery/horror elements are much more appealing than the paranormal romance this time around.

Dead Until Dark

The story: a socially isolated waitress (Sookie) at a bar in rural Louisiana encounters a vampire and goes to his rescue when he is attacked in the parking lot of the bar.  This action embroils her in a supernatural murder mystery.

I love Sookie’s wry observations on her own and everyone else’s behavior.  She doesn’t easily accept all the bizarre revelations about the supernatural people but she doesn’t waste time protesting her new reality either.  Her tenuous place in the social structure makes it believable that she’d fall into the ‘outgroup’ of vampires and such.  I hope that Harris enriches all the minor characters – the community members are all quite interesting.

Living Dead in Dallas

The story:  A co-worker at the bar where Sookie works is murdered.  She is hired by vampires to solve the mystery and she learns far too much about supernatural world.

I was slightly disappointed with this one.  It may be that the author is moving from a single novel to a series and so has to lighten the tone a bit.  I also missed Sookie’s hometown politics and interactions.  Dallas was less interesting to me here.  I do like how Sookie is changing due to her adventures: she’s more confident, more daring and a bit more sophisticated.

Club Dead

The story:  Sookie’s having boyfriend trouble and then he goes missing.  She’s got to find him and upbraid him.

I don’t like the urban setting. Moreover, this one got way too painful for me.  I really hated what some of the characters in this book did.  So much so that I contemplated dropping the series.

Dead to World

The story:  Sookie is bitter and alone after her breakup.  It never rains but it pours since her brother disappears and she has an amnesiac vampire dropped into her lap (more or less).

But I did pick up the fourth book and I’m happy for doing it.  Sookie’s back at home which pleases me no end.  Sookie’s becoming more resilient emotionally and mentally, and I think she’s becoming a force to be reckoned with.  Normally I’d find fault that every guy she meets is instantly attracted to her.  But I can buy that her psychic powers are the real lure and they are all supernatural beings.  No humans for Sookie.

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