6 annoyings about Eclipse (the book)

Image via Wikipedia

So, I finished Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer the other night.

There’s a lot wrong with this book.

Spoilers Ahoy!

But I have to say that I got caught up in it.  Meyer is a good tale-spinner.  The book ended with quite a bang.  The proposal scene with Edward and Bella was much less appalling in the book than it was in the movie. The farewell scene between Bella and Jacob near the end of the book was actually moving.

However,

1) It’s very, very slow in the beginning.

Bella wants to reject Jacob’s love but still have him like her.  She fills out applications for college.  She blathers about Wuthering Heights.  She and Edward have endless, dull arguments over turning her into a vampire.

2) There is a whole scene about fridge magnets representing their epic love triangle.

The last two magnets — round black utilitarian pieces that were my favorites because they could hold ten sheets of paper to the fridge without breaking a sweat — did not want to cooperate with my fixation.  Their polarities were reversed; every time I tried to line the last one up, the other jumped out of place.

For some reason — impending mania, perhaps — this really irritated me.  Why couldn’t they just play nice?  Stupid with stubbornness, I kept shoving them together as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up.  I could have flipped one over, but that felt like losing.  Finally, exasperated at myself more than the magnets, I pulled them from the fridge and held them together with two hands.  It took a little effort — they were strong enough to put up a fight — but I forced them to coexist side-by-side.

“See,” I said out loud — talking to inanimate objects, never a good sign — “That’s not so horrible, is it?   (95-96)

Meyer writes, “as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up” instead of as if I were expecting….  It’s the subjunctive mood. Meyer should be using the past tense plural form of the verb because the magnets have no real will.  But it’s a common mistake.

I also know that simple things like fridge magnets can become powerful metaphors in the hands of a skilled writer.  That didn’t happen here.

3) Charlie is just disgustingly smug about Jacob forcibly kissing Bella.

Watching the Eclipse (movie)

So, my sisters and I went to see Eclipse.  Sib B has read all four books but Sib R and I have only read Twilight and New Moon.  Sib R suggested the midnight showing but I laughed at her as we both had to work the next day.  Sib B’s husband was invited but he opined that he’d prefer paying someone $7.50 to repeatedly stab him in the arm.

We saw women wearing the Team Edward/Team Jacob shirts.  A good number of them were not teens or preteens.  When Jacob showed up, the females in the audience crowed.  One guy cheered when Edward killed someone.

We sat in the front of the theater and behaved in such a way to make us shoe-ins for special hell.  In short, we laughed at everything but the jokes.

My favorite digs were these:

Edward and Jacob are about to squabble over Bella and her dad steps in between them. Then Sib R quipped for Charlie, “Now, now, we all know I have the biggest penis here.”

In the second scene, Edward and Jacob are in a tent and they come to the conclusion that each was a good chap despite being a mortal enemy.  I said for Jacob, “Edward, I can’t quit you.”

Sib B and I really liked the tiny bit when Alice and Jasper are fighting and then they kiss at the end.  They had more chemistry in 20 seconds than Edward and Bella do in all three movies.  Also, Rosalie as Uma Thurman surprised me into laughing.

On the way home, Sib B pointed out with some fervor that predators don’t sparkle.  Sib R and I pondered this, and agreed that predators were good at camouflage.  But, if you think about it, Edward does not really want Bella for her nutritional value:  he wants to breed her.  And she does breed.  So, the sparkle is merely to denote that Edward is a peacock and Bella is a peahen.